MAD MOMMY
My Mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation..
When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.
"Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new dresses?"
My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."
LAWS OF LIFE The pay rise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take home pay.
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else.
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
SOME ACTUAL WARNING LABELS
"WARNING: WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING-THE BLADE IS TURNING!"
"Do not open here."
"Do not spray on your face."
"Mix with water before serving"
"Safe for carpets, too!"
Warning: High in sodium
"Remove child before folding."
CHIPPED TOOTH
My ten-year-old son informed us that part of his tooth has come out. We checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken-off..
Trying to lighten the moment, I asked my husband, "What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?"
"Nothing," he replied, "She wants the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."
